EVENTS FOR EXPLORING THE PETER AND PAUL FORTRESS

Medialab people made a spring workshop trip together with some sibastudents at the May 2006. As one of the results of the trip here are presented some advices that I worked out at time we were there. Originally these texts were printed out and sticked to different places: walls, holes, backsides of statues etc. at the island, where tourists could easily see them and use them as a way of seeing an attraction.

  A STATUE EVENT
 
  Choose a nice place near Peter and Paul fortress. Sit down on a comfortable bench, stay still and let a bird land on your shoulders. Hear the cathedral bells marking the hours, a LOUD tourist guide passing you by.  Ask a small girl to sit in your lap, ask her mom to take a picture of you both with a flattery flash /shs/shs/ light.
Hope to get into a thick family album between the other pictures taken all around the world of a sitting girl in the laps of  STATUES.  
 
 
 
 A GUIDE AND A PRINCE EVENT

  Raise up a plastic sign saying “number 3”. Hear it receiving the waves of the wind. Imagine the tzar’s horses arriving, snorting on the plaza. Hear the crowded bus curving around the corner and its engine turning off, the doors hissing o p e n. Notice a pair of black leather shoes stepping aristocratically out, two white, hairy legs, half-finished soda bottles han up g up in up g off the waist, and between all these wobbling pompoms, a regular prince from Saint Petersburg  a r r i v e s.
 
 
 A TOURIST SOLO
 
Hear 4 different languages waxing and waning. Choose the most suitable language for you. Read aloud:
 
  > Otatko  kuvan minusta niin, ettei kaksoisleukani ole mukana?
  > Kan du ta en photo av mej innan min fat?
  > Will you take a photo of me without my double chin?
  > Pouvez-vous prendre une photo de moi mais sans mon double-menton? 
 
You can repeat this as many times as you want. You can repeat tap/reap/repet/ta it randomly backwards and forwards. You can also choose to stay silent.


 
 A PETER AND PAUL FORTRESS GUARD EVENT
 
  Scratch the ground with your shoe. Imitate the birds flying over you by whistling. Stretch your face into a tight expression and flutter your eyelashes occasionally. Whatever happens, don’t let the wind fool around in your hair. If a Lada explodes with the sound of its alarm without a reason, just give an angry glance in a very judgemental way and continue imitating a bird.
 


 A ST. PETERSBURG  LADY  SOLO WITH MECHANICAL CHORUS
 
Have high-heeled shoes and well-done hair. Walk around a long street and hear every Lada exploding pirrr with pirr the pirr sound pirr of their alarms after pirrrrrr such a beautiful lady.


A ST. PETERSBURG CITIZEN SPRING CHORUS

Beforehand:
Put on a bikini in the normal position, swing a long coat over your shoulders. Walk to the walls of Peter and Paul Fortress and place your back against the wall along with the others.

Action:
Unzip down your jacket every time a bird flies over you.
Zip up your jacket back up every time a boat passes by.
Run screaming to the water every time you feel you need more attention splash.


 A ST. PETERSBURG TEENAGER EVENT
  
  Go to the Peter and Paul fortress pier.  Apply lipstick. Check the height of your shoes and choose a suitable soldier. Go row with the others. Let the river hit the bricks and the boats pass you by. Whenever you hear the sound of kissing, join in the chorus with your partner.
 
 

BONUS ADVICE: THE ESCALATOR BINGO

Escalator bingo is played alone or together with others travelling on a subway escalator. Choose a metro station and escalator. The longer, the better.

One’s own bingo card is made by filling the empty boxes with possible observations: a blonde-haired girl, a heavy metal boy, a babushka, a mother with children, a police officer, etc.

When the object in the form has been seen, cross it out. When you have a row of crosses up, down or from side to side, you have a bingo.